dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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