who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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