I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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