Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
