It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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