sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
