so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
