This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
