Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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