i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
