I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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