i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
