I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
