4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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