Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
