I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
