so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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