There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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