Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
