Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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