I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
