you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
