Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
