How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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