Barsexuality is the new black.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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