just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
