Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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