All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
