forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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