I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I looked at my own cervix.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
