Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
one two three fourrrrnication!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
