Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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