Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize