like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
