mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
