so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
