I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
