Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Its about making memories worth repressing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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