I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
