You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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