It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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