I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and she was petting her beer can
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
