just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
