Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The Olympian is in my bed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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