first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
