So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
