Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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