So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
