I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
