do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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