I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
