I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
