and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
