I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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