I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
