I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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