Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"