I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.