I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.