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If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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