Can Purell be used as lube?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
