let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
