last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
