You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
