if i can run in heels then i can drive
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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