So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize