i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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