walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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