I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
