Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
