Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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