I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
