i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
