You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
